"Near you, I am healing but its taking so long"

I am sitting here listening to a Fine Frenzy my new fav band and in doing so I just heard an amazing song, it goes something like this:

He and I had something beautiful 
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last 
I loved him so but I let him go 
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back 

Such pain as this 
Shouldn't have to be experienced 
I'm still reeling from the loss, 
Still a little bit delirious 

Near to you, I am healing 
But it's taking so long 
'Cause though he's gone 
And you are wonderful 
It's hard to move on 
Yet, I'm better near to you. 

You and I have something different 
And I'm enjoying it cautiously 
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard 
To get back to who I used to be 

He's disappearing 
Fading subtly 
I'm so close to being yours 
Won't you stay with me 
Please 

Near to you, I am healing 
But it's taking so long 
'Cause though he's gone 
And you are wonderful 
It's hard to move on 
Yet, I'm better near to you. 

I only know that I am 
Better where you are 
I only know that I am 
Better where you are 
I only know that I belong 
Where you are 

Near to you, I am healing 
But it's taking so long 
Though he's gone 
And you are wonderful 
It's hard to move on 

Near to you, I am healing 
But it's taking so long 
'Cause though he's gone 
And you are wonderful 
It's hard to move on 
Yet, I'm better near to you. 

Yet, I'm better near to you.

After hearing this song something just clicked. I miss the idea of Nick (my ex) it has been almost two years and I still miss him. I know it sounds ridiculous, but its true. I have been really thinking about my relationship with him and what affect it had on me not to mention how I am weary about relationships now. I want to take things slow, but Nick and I did that and it was not our down fall, but it definatly got us closer on a more emotional level as well as a friend level. 

I miss his companionship, and his jokes, the way he treated me and could make me smile so easily, he really cared about me and I knew that, but our relationship was not meant to be and we were obviously in different places in life, however I miss him, and I will for a really long time. I think this song really depicts how I am feeling as well as other people. It is really hard to get over the idea of someone. I actually think its harder to get over the idea of that person then it is to get over that person. 

The part of the song that gets me is "You and I have something different 

And I'm enjoying it cautiously 
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard 
To get back to who I used to be " I really like the boy I have been hanging out with, yet I am scared that him and I will date and some how he will hurt me like Nick, I am terrified that after finally letting me guard down with him (which has not happened fully yet) that he will hurt me, and break my heart. The last thing I want right now is another broken heart to nurse, and I would hate myself for breaking his. 

I want someone to find comfort in, I want another guy friend, but I want a guy friend on a deeper level. I love my guy friends and I would have no clue what I would do with out them, but after breaking up with someone that you spent so much time with it gets better, but you have your bad days and I guess today is just a lonely and bad day. 

Anyway The moral of the story was the song really put things into perspective for me and had things click. Well on that note I must go write a paper among other things. 

Good night lovies, 

D